Why is it often so difficult to understand people? Most of us have more than one person in our lives and understanding this person is just as difficult as understanding someone we have never met before.
Do you have a teenager who is struggling to manage their emotions in school and socially? Do you feel if only they would understand why they feels or do the things that are so counter-productive they would change?
As an adult/ parent, how often do you talk to your teen about how they feel in certain situations? How can you help your teen or adult to start improving their emotional intelligence? Teaching these life skills in the most effective way is important and requires the right explanation. If you’re a parent, you’ve probably noticed that your teen is struggling with their emotions. They may be angry, upset, or irritable. They might even feel like they don’t fit in with their peers. And while it can be tough to watch your child struggle, it’s also difficult to know what to do about it.
I’ve seen many teenagers and adults who struggle with managing their emotions. They don’t know how to interpret them or how to express them. They feel lost and uncomfortable with this huge part of their lives. Surprisingly enough, emotional intelligence in our teens and adults is one of the most neglected areas in self-improvement and development (next to sleep).
Teens and adults who lack the understanding of Emotional Intelligence skills usually face the grief of poor communication and conflict management. This is especially true for teens, who in many cases are just figuring out how to deal with their emotions on a daily basis.
Emotions are powerful signals that provide information about what’s happening in our environment — they can tell us when we’re hungry or tired, when we’re bored or excited, or when we’re stressed out or anxious. When we’re able to tune into these signals and pay attention to them, they become much less overwhelming and easier to deal with.
Emotions are part of our physiology. They are feedback from our senses that sometimes affect us both mentally and physically in a negative way, often resulting in negative feelings such as fear, sadness, or anger. Improving emotional intelligence means gaining emotional self-awareness and then training yourself to respond in a more constructive way rather than reacting in a flash of an impulsive moment.
Understanding Emotional Intelligence in Teens and Adults:
Emotional Intelligence or EQ or EI, is defined as the ability to identify, understand and manage your emotions and the emotions of the people around you. It’s the term made popular by Daniel Goleman in his book “Emotional Intelligence.” It includes people’s ability to establish relationships, their empathy toward others, their ability to solve problems in a creative way and deal with stress effectively.
More and more studies show that Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is an important factor in the overall success and happiness in one’s life. As parents, you want your kids to make good decisions regarding to how they handle themselves, other people, ideas and emotions. EI is one of the most sought-after skills for teens and adults. It’s about being conscious of how you feel, how others around you feel and how to manage those feelings. It’s also crucial for success in school, work and relationships.
Essential elements of Emotional Intelligence:
- Self- Awareness
- Self- regulation of feelings
- Self- Motivation
- Empathy
- Social skills
- Present focused
- Operating with Integrity
Benefits of Emotional Intelligence in Teens and Adults:
Studies have shown that people who have high emotional intelligence are more successful at everything from getting a job to keeping it. They’re less likely to get fired or laid off, they tend to earn higher salaries and they’re more likely to be promoted.
EI helps them develop successful interpersonal relationships and live a healthier, happier life. People with high emotional intelligence may be able to navigate social situations more easily, work in teams more effectively, improve their mood when faced with daily challenges such as conflict or stress, and generally contribute in a positive way to the lives of those around them.
Ways to Improve Emotional Intelligence in Teens and Adults:
There are many ways to help teach emotional intelligence in teens and adults. Some methods include improving their EQ skills through a self-help book, hiring a life coach, or individual counseling sessions. You can also take a more indirect approach and help improve your teen’s or adult’s EQ by helping foster a sense of gratitude and happiness through small actions.
With the recent focus on our emotional intelligence (EI) here are 10 top tips for boosting EI in teens, adults and the rest of us!
- Teach them about their emotions: Children are not born with a full understanding of what their emotions mean or why they exist. This means that they need instruction from an early age in order to develop these skills properly. Enact in front of your child and show them how to recognize when different feelings occur, such as anger or happiness, so that they can understand what is going on inside themselves better than before. Ask questions like “How do you feel when you…..? How would that make you feel?….Listen to their responses carefully.
- Help them to recognize the feelings of others through self-awareness: Self-awareness refers to how well someone understands their own thoughts and feelings as compared with others around them (e.g., how well they know what makes other people happy). Teaching children about self-awareness involves helping them realize that everyone has different thoughts and feelings which may not always be compatible with those around us and that difference is OK. Teach kids how their words can hurt other people’s feelings by using examples from books or movies. And when they say something mean or rude, teach them how to apologize — and make sure they really mean it!
- Encourage them to express themselves in healthy ways rather than suppressing them or acting out aggressively or destructively. Help them to identify the cause of their emotions and strategies to manage them responsibly.
- Encourage them to ask for help when they need it. Let them know that you’re there to support them when they need it—and then follow through on your word!
- Give them opportunities to practice social skills with others. Offer encouragement, praise, and validation.
- Help them to manage their behavior. Teach them to take responsibility for their actions and the possible impact they can have on others before they act or speak in a certain way. Be aware of their reactions to situations and people, and take responsibility for them (e.g., “I feel sad because…” or “I don’t like it when…”).
- Teach them about mindfulness practices such as meditation that can help improve emotional intelligence. Encourage them to understand the benefits of Emotional Intelligence. Practice Mindfulness together as a teen and adult.
- Teach them how to set healthy boundaries by being clear about their priorities and being polite at the same time.
- Develop a bond of honesty and Trust with them. Teach them how to maintain a FEELINGS journal or by talking to a trusted adult.
- Practice Gratitude. Help them appreciate themselves, others, the nature and the Divine. Encourage them to use the Magical words- “Thank You”, “Please”, “Sorry” on a daily basis.
So, you’re reading these lines, because you have probably realized that in your teenage son or daughter, in the mother or father of your children, as well as in yourself there is a desire to improve the quality of relationships and communication with other people.
By encouraging teens to excel and demonstrating genuine appreciation for their efforts, you are helping them become more confident problem solvers and role models and allowing them to see connections between their actions and the consequences that follow from them. You can also “parent into emotional growth” through setting standards they must meet in order to move up to the next level of responsibility, providing appropriate role models when possible, and engaging in activities together so they can share your values.
The only way I know to improve emotional intelligence is to talk about it. When adults (parents, grandparents, role-models) start talking about emotions instead of shutting down or trying to fix or change the situation or person we will begin to see a shift in our youth. It has to start somewhere, and maybe that place is here.
Hope you have found this Blog helpful for you and your teen. For more such tips, subscribe to our Weekly Newsletter!
